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Choice or Habit?
When life delivers a plethora of unexpected and unpleasant surprises, it can be easy and automatic to react negatively. Many of these reactions are unconscious and engrained in us as human beings. Throughout our lives, most of us are taught and conditioned to react to disappointments with sadness, unkindness from others with anger or defensiveness, heavy traffic with stress and frustration, illness and death with fear, and our mistakes with judgment. If I listed twenty activities, most would agree on the "common way" to react to each situation. But, who says this is how we "should" be reacting? Is there an alternative choice? Is there a more effective way? Or are we truly helpless victims to life's circumstances?
Crazy Talk or Clear Communication?
Most people have learned to hide their feelings. They've learned to be guarded because dropping the mask and being emotionally honest can lead to feeling vulnerable. In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to see how honesty and vulnerability might be good, how completely disarming they can be and how important they are to building trust and compassion.
How to Turn the Dysfunctional Workplace into an Environment Where People Actually Want to Work
Are you ready to do what it takes to end the dysfunctions and create a can-do culture in your workplace?

Leadership Tips to Manage, Resolve and Prevent Conflict
Conflict causes a lot of stress and yet conflict is essential for effective organizations and relationships. Instead of simply managing conflict, we recommend the managers lead conflict and enjoy the tremendous gains that come from constructive conflict techniques.
Career Tips for High Achievers Who Are Feeling Stagnant
High achievers are prone to enter a time in their career where they plateau or stall. Perhaps promotions are not coming as fast and furious as they once did or in some cases, they have achieved every goal they have set and have run out of challenges. Achievers will ask themselves, "Is this all there is?" After striving for success, when success levels out, the feeling of advancement is replaced by a feeling of stagnation. This condition could be called Achievers Depression or Career Stall.
Hidden Costs and Benefits of Conflict Management
This article discusses the costs of unmanaged conflict and how a conflict management system can save money.
Top tips on how to manage flexible workers
Flexible working is all the rage and many companies are using it to get round the recession. It saves on overheads, helps recruitment and retention of experienced staff and reduces absence. But what are the barriers and how do you manage flexible workers? Here are some tips on how to make flexible working work for you.
Feedback or look ahead?
Leaders and people spend surprising amount of time on giving and taking feedback. But feedback sessions can be counter productive due to the blame games and time lost. Look ahead sessions encourage people to collaborate, evaluate capabilities, question assumptions, and evaluate risks. They can help in getting buy-in of people to strategic efforts.
Keys to Confronting Well
Most people fear confrontation. The thought of speaking up – especially during a conflict or uncomfortable situation – can be almost paralyzing. However, the ability to effectively confront tough issues by clearly stating what you think, feel, and want can be one of the most valuable interpersonal skills a person can possess. The ten keys listed below can help prepare you for those difficult conversations.
Managing Sales Reps' Defensiveness
Defensiveness is a natural and normal response by sales reps to a sales manager's feedback and appraisal. It is important to understand that defensiveness is emotional, not rational. When responding to defensiveness, show empathy for your rep's underlying feelings rather than challenging their perceptions.

Conflicts in the Workplace: Top 10 Workplace Dysfunctions - And How to TERMINATE Them
Purge your workplace of dysfunctional behavior and you will terminate all workplace conflicts and improve your organization's productivity...

You Can't Sell Anybody Anything… Until They Discover They Want It!
Despite what most traditional sales trainers tell us, it’s very difficult to convince people that they want or need something that they're not already asking to buy. Our experiences at Sandler Sales Institute have demonstrated that when we try to force-sell our products or services, all we do is evoke feelings of defensiveness in our prospects. Unconsciously, the prospects "defend" whatever it is they already own or use. Under those circumstances, prospects won't make a "new" decision.

Why are Employees defensive about their performance?
Defensiveness by employees has a huge impact on job performance!

The Myth of Explaining and Defending
Do you believe that explaining and defending will convince the other person to see things your way? Has this ever worked?
When Defensiveness Shows Up
In November, 2007 I wrote about defensiveness and have found that, more than any other article that I’ve written, people commented on this one. I believe it’s because all of us know what it feels like to want to defend ourselves. Even if we're not actively defensive, the urge to defend our feelings, thoughts, and/or actions is part and parcel of being human. And often, this defensiveness creates even more disconnection and conflict than what we truly want.
The Wall of Defensiveness: 7 Ways to Tear It Down
Have you ever gotten frustrated when you realize that your prospects keep stereotyping you as a "salesperson"?
7 Ways To Sell and Retain Your Integrity
Making more sales while retaining your integrity -- is it possible to do both?
How to Encourage Inclusiveness and Diversity
Diversity is much more than a program, hiring a few people of different gender or ethnic backgrounds or allowing a few diverse opinions to surface from time to time. It is actively searching out and embracing the uniqueness, strengths and talents of all people, so the organization can have a collective impact on the greater good of the individual, organization, customer and the community.
Saying Goodbye to Defensiveness
Part of fully claiming your own life is learning the steps to stay “in your own business”. What that means essentially is staying focused on your own affairs, rather than determining what those around you “should” or “should not” be up to.

Other defensiveness Related Articles

Sales Training London: You Can't Sell Anybody Anything Until They Discover They Want It
Despite what most traditional sales trainers tell us, it's very difficult to convince people that they want or need something that they're not already asking to buy. Our experiences at Sandler Sales Institute (SSI) have demonstrated that when we try to force-sell our products or services, all we do is evoke feelings of defensiveness in our prospects.
Managing Sales Reps' Defensiveness
Defensiveness is a natural and normal response by sales reps to a sales manager's feedback and appraisal. It is important to understand that defensiveness is emotional, not rational. When responding to defensiveness, show empathy for your rep's underlying feelings rather than challenging their perceptions.

Why are Employees defensive about their performance?
Defensiveness by employees has a huge impact on job performance!

You Can't Sell Anybody Anything… Until They Discover They Want It!
Despite what most traditional sales trainers tell us, it’s very difficult to convince people that they want or need something that they're not already asking to buy. Our experiences at Sandler Sales Institute have demonstrated that when we try to force-sell our products or services, all we do is evoke feelings of defensiveness in our prospects. Unconsciously, the prospects "defend" whatever it is they already own or use. Under those circumstances, prospects won't make a "new" decision.

Choice or Habit?
When life delivers a plethora of unexpected and unpleasant surprises, it can be easy and automatic to react negatively. Many of these reactions are unconscious and engrained in us as human beings. Throughout our lives, most of us are taught and conditioned to react to disappointments with sadness, unkindness from others with anger or defensiveness, heavy traffic with stress and frustration, illness and death with fear, and our mistakes with judgment. If I listed twenty activities, most would agree on the "common way" to react to each situation. But, who says this is how we "should" be reacting? Is there an alternative choice? Is there a more effective way? Or are we truly helpless victims to life's circumstances?
When Defensiveness Shows Up
In November, 2007 I wrote about defensiveness and have found that, more than any other article that I’ve written, people commented on this one. I believe it’s because all of us know what it feels like to want to defend ourselves. Even if we're not actively defensive, the urge to defend our feelings, thoughts, and/or actions is part and parcel of being human. And often, this defensiveness creates even more disconnection and conflict than what we truly want.
Personal Feedback Pathways and Pitfalls
Ironically (and tragically) if I am a feedback-impaired manager, I am the least likely to realize it. I am not listening to what people have been trying to tell me. That's because I am too busy defending myself (or closing down feedback channels). If someone suggests I am defensive, I'll become defensive about my defensiveness.

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